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Well, here’s Ali Martin’s report on a mind-blowing and perception-altering day in Test Match CricketTM – or, in other words, another day in the office of Baz and Stokesy’s Testvangelists . Thank you all for your company and your comments, I’m sorry I didn’t get to use them all, and please join us again tomorrow for more, I don’t even know what. Quietness!
“I can’t believe I missed this,” says Robert Wilson. “Life is so unfair. That’s it. Ambition be damned, tomorrow I retire early. No spoilers, I close my eyes and start from the beginning (only the OBO offers this kind of sports time travel). I wonder how will this unpromising first day go…”
Some of us did this in the 2009 Ashes: went to work on a Friday, stayed away from cricket and then convened for refreshments to watch SJ Broad’s 5-37. I recommend it.
What kept them? pathetic
“Anti-schadenfreude,” begins Timothy Harnedy. “Using Google Translate, schadenfreude translates as ‘malicious joy’. The antonym of malicious is benevolent. Benevolent joy translates as… Wohlwollendefreude. Hmmm.”
But maybe Root is feeling malicious glee, malicious at himself and glee at his teammates, so the word we’re looking for was schadenfreude all along. Like I said, Stokesy and Baz have turned the world upside down.
Pope says they were just expressing how Stokesy told them to play, while Brook enjoyed every minute of it. Pope says the openers scared them because there was nowhere they could throw and not get caught; it scared him as he came in, because he was scratching himself before he realized that he had to beat to her beat, not hers. He hopes to have learned from his pains against Yasir last time.
Brook says his PSL experience is low, slow and skiddy and this was like a T20 track. He expects the ball to stay lower and notes that there was a bit of reverse, which England’s bowlers could take advantage of.
Back to Pope, he says it’s best to play the way the big two above tell them to play, to entertain the crowd, while Brook thinks he might be happier with his six fours over his ton, but, he laughs: they were all bad balls that needed to be saved. He is 23 years old and on our screens he laughs at how easy Test cricket is. Of course, it won’t always be like that and he knows it, but his easy confidence tells us everything about him and it’s reflected precisely in the way he expresses his personality – he takes it upon himself to express his personality – in the middle .
I wondered if I was being ridiculous when I said the world had changed this morning: it’s easy to get caught up in the moment, even more so when it’s your job, and even more so if you’re still the excitable type of child who says things like this But Sanga just said it, which makes it law.
“The word for enjoying the success of others while being angry at your own failure,” advises Matt Emerson, “is eduerfnedahcs. Which is the reverse of schadenfreude.”
beautiful things
Updated at 11.55 GMT
Imagine the mood in that England dressing room. Duckett tells Nas that it was a crazy and special day, one he didn’t think would come after six years away from the Test team. I didn’t think I was close to being picked, but the real change was looking at this squad, playing freely again, and here it is. He doesn’t think there will ever be a better environment to be a part of, notes that the game is now full of other people desperate for a piece of it, and it’s heartwarming to hear his understated honesty, as well as his simple description of a team that represents and exudes freedom, joy and love.
Crawley, who has also benefited from it, says it was a difficult summer and it’s never easy to open in England, but this is a good cover, he got lucky on a few occasions and rode it. He feels he played well at times in the summer but couldn’t get a goal; of course, he was supported by the leadership. He goes on to say that Duckett and Brook made the best tons, then Duckett points out what we were saying earlier about right and left, high and low combinations, and says that the English bowlers, who needed a day off to recover from the disease, they can learn. of how Pakistan played, with time in the match to get 20 wickets.
Back to the team names, because the only way we can analyze what we’ve just seen is by spouting our usual nonsense, Mark van Raaij delivers ‘Netherlands now and again’.
“As a grumbleweed,” says Jonathan Watts, “I have to point out that Joe Root really let the side down today.”
You know he’ll be delighted for his teammates… but absolutely furious with himself. We need a word for that.
England end the first day of the series with 506-4, their highest score!
This was just beautiful.
Harry Brook celebrates his century after an amazing day for England. Photograph: Aamir Qureshi/AFP/Getty Images
Updated at 11.46 GMT
75th over: England 506-4 (Brook 101, Stokes 36) Anitdontstop! Stokes flashes and lights four at half-off, then sinks onto another and dematerialises six at long-on! It really does! So Ali goes wide, and this time he fades for four through cover! If Ben Stokes could drink he would, but what’s crazy is that someone gets to be Ben Stokes! What a state of affairs! And dear, I don’t even know what to do with myself because Stokes has taken Ali for four more! Most runs scored in one day are 509 by Sri Lanka against Bangladesh in 2002; England’s record is 503 .. but as I write this the umpires are calling it a day, and England walk off like it’s nothing, which is what I was about to notice about Brook – he did something almost unbelievable, but he made it seem like it was normal because to him it is everything and he’s never done it before. As I said, the world has changed today, and that is with the compelling, contagious, inspiring, generous and reliable leaders that England now have (in cricket). Unbelievable!
Harry Brook makes his maiden Test century off 81 balls!
74th over: England 488-4 (Brook 101, Stokes 16) Brook takes a single, then Stokes pulls around the corner for three… then Harry Brook hits another cover shot, and that’s his first test in his second outing… off 81 balls! He has batted in a majestic and killer way – this has not been a lucky swing, it has been measured, elegant and terrifying. It seems that the world has changed, forever: the impossible is possible and much more besides. Hug me!
Meanwhile, Rob, the most skilled Stasguruer I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting, points out that in the fastest innings of 20 overs or more, five are Bazball.
73rd over: England 480-4 (Brook 96, Stokes 13) Brook takes a run out; he needs a five or a six off the next ball he faces to match Jessop. Meanwhile, Ali keeps running, finding some elevation to hit Stokes to the body; appeals for principle, then we see an ad reminding us that life is too short for sensitive teeth, but I’m not sure because this whole Baz-ball situation has totally warped my concept of time. what is time A single to Stokes gets Brook on strike and there we are… period, then bye, and good Gilbert is safe.
72nd over: England 477-4 (Brook 95, Stokes 12) With the new man in, Babar turns to Naseem and from the other end; Brook takes two, then none, then one; he is 95 from 74 so needs a six to break Jessop’s record and six from two to equal it; Remember Bairstow lost it by one ball in the summer. But now it’s Superman on strike, and on strike four, then he cuts the pads for four more; so many balls have gone down there, and Babar is not happy; his bowler’s lines have let him down as he is unable to set a field or increase the pressure. And take a look! he waits, plays late and nails four more to third man! Three in three to close the over; most runs on the first day of a test is 494, highest on any day 588. Now, can Brook break the record?
71st over: England 462-4 (Brook 92, Stokes 0) There is something fitting about Benjamin Stokes taking the wicket at the end of the day; he deserves it, the absolute inspiring monster of nature that he is. I am in awe of him. As for the question of four tons in one day, Pakistan have managed five men to reach the milestone in one day, but not between 0 and 100, thanks to RA Smyth.
WICKET! Pope lbw b Mohammad Ali 108 (England 462-464)
This proves what I know! Mohammad Ali takes his first Test wicket – well done young man – and the collapse is on!
71st: England 462-3 (Pope 108, Brook 92) England’s fastest Test is Gilbert Jessop’s against Australia at the Oval in 1902; He needed 76 balls, and when Brook takes two three-ball singles early in the innings, he goes to 92 from 71. But then Ali hits Pope on the board and when the appeal is turned down, Pakistan review. Looks tall and leggy to me…
70th over: England 459-3 (Pope 107, Brook 90) Brook has a phenomenal eye, and after a two and one to Pope, he annihilates a drive to the cover fence. Can he become England’s fourth centurion? We have had four batsmen make tons before, but I wonder if we have ever had four batsmen from the same team make tons in the same day’s play.
Here’s Mark Dawson with some more team names: “Australia Arrogants, England Erratics, India Entitlements (innit phonetic alliteration), New Zealand Niceblokes, Pakistan Perhapss, South Africa Sufferers, West Indies Whatevers.”
I have been watching cricket for almost 40 years and doing OBO for almost a decade. I’ve never seen anything remotely like this, and to see something like this should be amazing, but in reality, England’s behavior in the last minute makes it look like a logical progression and that’s the craziest thing of all.
And that’s drinks. Pakistan will take their time over theirs.
69th over: England 451-3 (Pope 104,…