The NFL season is only a week old and it’s already out of control. The first week of the season got so crazy that I think I spit coffee out of my mouth at three different times on Sunday and I wasn’t even drinking coffee.
I mean, the Texans are in first place despite being winless, the Browns won an opener for the first time in 17 years, and I’m pretty sure the Cowboys have already been eliminated from the playoffs. Also, kickers couldn’t kick, the Seahawks somehow lead the NFC West, and the Bears were flagged for illegally using a towel. I repeat, an NFL team was flagged for ILLEGAL USE OF A TOWEL!
I think I once saw someone get flagged for using a towel illegally while on spring break at college in Mexico, but that seems like a different situation.
While Week 2 may not top the craziness of Week 1, my picks are definitely going to get a little crazy, so here we go.
In fact, before we get to the picks, here’s a quick reminder that you can check out CBSSports.com’s weekly picks from all the NFL experts by clicking here. However, if you don’t want to click, that’s fine with me. As someone who is easily distracted, if I click on something there is a 100% chance that I will forget what I was doing originally.
One thing you should click on though is this link to the Pick Six podcast. In case I didn’t make it clear last week, I’ll be joining the podcast at least three days a week (Monday, Tuesday and Friday) for the rest of the NFL season. In our last episode, we spent 45 minutes talking about all the crazy things that happened during the Seahawks’ impressive win over the Broncos and you can listen to it below (you can also WATCH it on YouTube by clicking here).
If you’re more of a selection person than a podcast person, I get it. Let’s go to the elections.
NFL Week 2 picks
LA Chargers (1-0) at Kansas City (1-0)
Thursday, 8:20 PM ET (Amazon Prime)
Latest Odds: Kansas City Chiefs -4
For the past five years, the only thing I’ve used my Amazon Prime membership for was free two-day shipping, but starting this week, I’ll be able to use it for something else: THE THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL.
If you haven’t heard, Thursday night games are moving to Amazon this year, which means the only way you can watch the game is if you have an Amazon Prime subscription. I have no idea if it’s worth the $139 a year I pay, but my wife tells me it’s worth the cost and I guess I’ll take her at her word, since about 67% of everything in there ha casa comes from Amazon.
The only way to watch the game without Amazon Prime is if you live in a city that has a team playing the game (for example, the game will be televised in both Kansas City and Los Angeles this week).
Anyway, another reason you should order Prime is so you can send something to Patrick Mahomes for his birthday! Mahomes’ big day is September 17th, and now that I think about it, I guess that explains why he’s the best September quarterback in football history. The man does not lose in the month of September. I mean, if there’s one rule for making NFL picks, it’s “Never pick against Patrick Mahomes in the month of September.”
Since taking over for the Chiefs in 2018, starting at QB, Mahomes has gone 12-2 in the month of September and thrown 49 touchdown passes in those 12 games (that’s an average of 4.1 per match for those who hate doing math) . As if that wasn’t impressive enough, he’s also averaged 328.9 yards passing in those 14 game wins. I’m not saying we should change the name of the month to “Mahtember”, but I’m also not saying we shouldn’t.
The Chiefs have won their first six home games in a row and are 11-2 in their last 13 primetime games and I think what I’m trying to say is there’s no way to pick against the Chiefs.
The pick: Chiefs 34-27 over Chargers.
Washington (1-0) at Detroit (0-1)
1 p.m. ET (Fox)
Latest Odds: Detroit Lions -2
If you had asked me last week to rank the best games of Week 2, this one wouldn’t have even made my top 14, which is saying a lot when you consider the fact that there are only 16 games on the schedule. However, I’m now oddly intrigued by this matchup after watching Carson Wentz return in 2017 and play like he did during his best season as a pro.
If you didn’t get to see Wentz in Week 1, and there’s a 95 percent chance you didn’t because the Commanders-Jaguars aired to just 1.3% of the country, Wentz threw four passes touchdown in a 28-22. win in Jacksonville. Sure, he also threw two interceptions, but instead of melting down after those picks, which is what we’ve come to expect from him, he bounced back to throw two touchdown passes in the fourth quarter.
I was actually impressed by the Commanders in Week 1, which is weird, because I never thought I’d use the words “impressed” and “Washington” in the same sentence. The only thing about Commanders that didn’t impress me over the weekend. it was his geographical knowledge.
If anyone has a geography test sometime in the near future, keep in mind that Washington State and Washington DC have about as much in common as a cell phone and a hamster.
Anyway, nobody cares about hamsters, so let’s get to my pick for the game. My rule of thumb when picking the winner in a Lions game is to always pick against the Lions and that’s mostly because every time they play, they seem to fall behind by nine touchdowns before engineering a wild comeback that eventually it falls short . In the end, they lose the game, but cover the stretch and no one goes home happy. Players hate losing, punters hate losing money, and Lions fans hate themselves for their continued support of the Lions.
That formula is exactly what happened in Week 1 against the Eagles. The Lions were trailing 38-21 late in the game before miraculously scoring two fourth-quarter touchdowns to cap the spread.
I think Iain speaks for everyone. The moral of the story is never bet on the lions, but also never bet against them, because if you do, there’s a 100% chance they’ll get a backdoor cover and you’ll lose all your money .
Fortunately for punters, the Lions are favored this week which means the only way they can cover is if they win the game and I don’t think they will. I hate to predict a big game from Wentz, but I will. I think the Lions secondary will struggle to cover every quarterback receiving weapons, which will pave the way for Washington to win.
The pick: Commanders 27-24 over Lions
Miami (1-0) at Baltimore (1-0)
1 p.m. ET (CBS)
Latest odds: Baltimore Ravens -3.5
As someone who has been on Twitter for over a decade, I know for a fact that you have to believe everything you see or read on Twitter, and that’s how I know Lamar Jackson really wishes he was playing for the Dolphins right now and no. the crows Two weeks ago, someone tweeted a photo of Jackson in a Dolphins jersey and “liked” it.
Lamar says he “liked” the tweet as a joke, but that doesn’t mean it won’t become reality. I mean, I once “liked” a picture of a piece of cake as a joke and then had cake for dinner that night, so I’m just saying anything is possible.
I also liked this photo of Martha Stewart wearing nothing but an apron last week. Does this mean I’m attracted to octogenarians? I have no idea. I should probably talk to someone about this.
By the way, I’m now thinking it would probably be best if I never mention any of my likes again.
Anyway, I love this game because we have a quarterback who can’t get a new contract (Lamar) and a quarterback who can’t get any respect (Tua Tagovailoa) and both could help solve their problem by winning this game on Sunday . . Every time the Ravens win, the price of Jackson’s extension goes up. On the other hand, every time the Dolphins win, the chances of Tua becoming the Dolphins’ long-term quarterback increase.
In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been stalling the whole time because I don’t know who to pick. The problem is that…