“Don’t worry, I’ll be home early today, love!” exclaimed the low-density asteroid Dimorphos. His wife was understandably upset with him. He had come home from work at 10pm for the past week, exhausted after orbiting its twin asteroid, Didymos, in long 12-hour shifts, leaving his wife to feed, clean and entertain their newborn son all alone.
But today was different. Instead of taking its normal route, Dimorphos would cut its travel time in half by taking a shortcut near the planet i35u23905, known as Earth to the locals.
“Bzzzz. Bzzzz.” A small, shiny, winged pest hovered uncomfortably close to the flying asteroid. “Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz.” Dimorphos fidgeted, trying to remove the pesky satellite. By the time he realized he had gone off course, he had already traveled 20 light minutes in the wrong direction.
“I’m so sorry I’m late! I got distracted by a Terran satellite and went to the wrong place!
“Terrans aren’t even a level 2 civilization, you expect me to believe that they targeted you with a satellite? They never have! If you wanted me to believe you, maybe you should have tried to blame the reptilians. I’ll need stay after hours today to catch up on what you’ve missed.”
Dimorphous got home from work at 10pm. His wife was understandably upset with him. I wouldn’t be getting any of that sweet asteroid tonight.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictional. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.